the end of an era

im moving on

thanks for reading

considering this closure

black and white

i love life in Cairo. i've written about my love for Cairo, i've talked about it, i've defended and promoted this city at every chance i got

And i still love it whole heartedly and put no other city above it, no matter how glittery and appealing.

but life in cairo is like a movie in black and white. its a classic, irreplaceable. it cannot be created anywhere else or at any other time.

its genuine.

the city's warm buzz cannot be imitated. it's history and culture so prominent in everyday life that everything outside of it feels fake.

but still, it's in black and white

It misses that sprinkle of color. and by color i do not mean an actual rainbow or spectrum. but im talking about the "full experience"

watching a movie in black and white is beautiful. but a movie in color, or better yet 3D, takes you on the whole ride, the full experience. and Cairo is not like that

It can be very limiting. You can go to a soccer game and have a blast, but there is no live music or marching band. You can go to an outdoor concert and the sun would be beautiful but the music would be crap. And that's the problem: the "but" is always there. a great big city festival would be organized, and hard work put into it weeks ahead, but on the day everything goes to chaos. it is a city that does not follow through

it drains you

it becomes a struggle to grasp a full life

and it makes you wish that within this struggle, you were getting the full experience

too good at this

every time i have a dry writing spell i have to force myself to come back on here and just write for the sake of writing

it doesn't matter that i know exactly who reads this and some of those i have no idea who they are or what they do or why they read. it doesn't matter that i've already said everything i have to say

Which brings me to the point of this particular piece: i've said everything i wanted to say

i've done it all before, too many times. I've become to good at this

now before im labeled arrogant, by "too good at this" i don't mean too good at writing, as i am far from being just good, but too good at everything that im thinking, feeling and doing

i know my life goals i know where i am and where i am planning to go and i have a pretty good idea about how im going to get there. i've written about what i like and dislike, maybe more dislikes than likes. I've got too much figured out, I know how everything will probably turn out

I am too deep into my own life. I know me too well

And while i think that is a blessing and a rare knowledge of the self not a lot can claim to posses, it's as double edged as the sharpest double edged weapon.

Knowing yourself too well leads to the inevitable "what now?" and this isn't necessarily a bad thing. I still anticipate and ponder and wonder. but this knowing leaves a form of numbness that can be very difficult to explain.

It's like the second time around on a roller coaster. you get excited and scared still but you know where you are and what is probably going to happen. At some point, you become "too good" at riding roller coasters. And that's what's going on with me now. I've become too good at whatever it is im doing here. So until i find something more interesting to write about, i'll just sit here and know.

un-smart

What i love about the workplace is that you learn a lot. Not just about your job and how to do it better but about other people's jobs, personas and behaviors. You see examples that you want to copy and others you want to avoid. It's social exposure at its best.

What i've recently noticed is that new to the division of smart versus stupid, there is a lost category and it is that of the un-smart. Some people are stupid but are just not smart (often when they're job requires them to be very smart). This is nothing to do with task completion or showing results or managing this or that, but it is about daily behavior and the little decisions that blow up into huge problems. Unthought out decisions.

See, the difference between stupid and un-smart is that stupid is a lifetime label, a place of doom for limited minds. On the other hand, un-smart is wasted potential. People have the mental capacity to make better decisions but they don't just because they are un-smart like that. Un-smart is something that, if slightly adjusted, would prosper. Stupid needs a full revamp.

just one more

"Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left"

-- Nickelback

Just like our dreams are our most favored destinies, our fears could be labeled as our least favored destinies. One of my own fear happens to be settling. I do not want to settle and i do not want to begin a life knowing that it started with settling for something i didn't really want. Now we all (if anyone besides myself is reading this) know that by "something i didn't really want" i mean making life choices that i don't want to spend the rest of my life at: like work, commitment, friendships, et cetera.

And i've probably written about this before in some way or another, but we get the urge to settle and just quit the game every now and then. in our search for stability we sometimes want to get off the ride, even though it's a pretty fun ride, and just stand on solid ground. We think about it over and over and weigh the pros and cons of settling and study every decision to the core. Even when settling isn't such a bad option, we still want what we know and what we have to last longer. And when it's time to actually come off the ride, to step down, we wanna go for just one more spin.

What if i missed something? Even if there's nothing to be missed, why not have one last round of fun? Yes, i think that is the point i am trying to make. It's like when we were kids and asked our moms for "five more minutes only please" knowing that those additional five minutes probably won't bring about major change but we still want them. We get so scared of missing something or leaving something undiscovered that we want to make sure we have ample time to discover everything that is discoverable.

The reassuring feature of all this is that the ride is fun enough to hold on to. That settling is still the undesirable option. That i want to keep doing what i do for just a bit longer. Just in case a bit is as long as we have

this time of year

this time of year, two days before Ramadan, it hits me that Ramadan is only two days away. even though i know weeks before and am psychologically preparing for the fast and the lack of coffee and the lack of energy and the lack of cold water in this unbearable heat.

but this specific time of year, the night before last night before Ramadan, is very special. the refrigerators are stocked up the cook becomes a resident and my mom is making sure all of everyone's favorites is accounted for. I get told to clean up my various messes lying all over and i avoid making a fresh pot of coffee in the morning.

like every year, this time of year i try to help in the kitchen but end up a useless mess, only good for fetching various items but not touching the actual cooking.

this time of year i take a moment to think about what Ramadan is all about and vow to be good and do good by others and stop swearing and getting so angry.

This time of year every year i appreciate the calm before the storm and take a moment to enjoy the quiet before the chaotic, loud, overcrowded joy of family and tradition kicks in

It's a good day

INSPIRATION AND 'BOUNCEBACKABILITY': where i get them i'll never know but i sure am thankful

have a listen and be thankful for whatever it is you have that you can't live without

regret

i don't believe people when they way they have no regrets. we all have regrets, or we all should anyway. When's there's talk of regret the inevitable question arises, do we more regret the things we did or the things we didn't do?

From where i stand, or sit, this summer night, i regret the things i didn't do. I regret all the options i didn't choose, all the things i didn't say, all the thanks i didn't give, all the chances i didn't give, all the stubbornness and repetition of the same belief. I regret it all.

You see, when you actually do something, there are (usually) the options between undoing it or just moving on in sort of denial or choosing to forget it was done and just walking away. The past becomes the past. And as long as you don't let it haunt you, you're more or less fine. But when you don't do something, and time passes, and you can no longer do that thing or say it or express in any shape or form. The "what if's" get to you and they crawl under your skin and you imagine so many different scenarios that your imagination becomes tired. You start to question timeliness and why things happened or didn't happen when they did. You want nothing more than a rewind button for life so you can act differently.

But its not like regret that makes you wanna kick yourself. It's more like uncertain regret. Like you think you regret something but aren't entirely sure. and you want that rewind button just so you can be sure. But there is no rewind button. Or at least i haven't found one yet.

Then you sit here, like me, wishing you had given it a chance or said something or just weren't so damn stubborn.

apple smarts

i wish Apple made everything. Seriously, i want anything i own technology related to be branded Apple or Mac or iGadget-whatever. They're just so much easier to deal with.

I've always used the smart person/stupid person analogy to compare between everything Mac and everything PC, with Mac, undoubtedly, being the smart person.

my favorite feature of Apple is that everything is fixable. No technical problem is dead end or action irreversible. The device, whether MacBook, iPod, or the yet to be explored iPad defines the problem, if one should arise, in simple human words that the average user with half a brain can understand. Then it proceeds to fix the problem itself. Without asking you a million times if you are SURE you want to fix it. I haven't missed that about PCs at all.

Weird thing is, i tend to label everything that is not Mac as stupid PC. For example, my dead printer, even though made by the fine makers of HP is, to me, a stupid PC device. It does not tell you what the problem while simultaneously refusing to solve it. I especially hate non-Mac compatible devices. It's like they're labeling themselves "I'm with stupid."

innocent ignorance

i used to believe:

that 20th Century Fox was a real monument that was shot to place at the beginning of movies

that tom and jerry was one word

that only my house was called 'Agami' and not the whole town

that the escalator would bite off your shoes if you didn't step off in time

that my mom knew absolutely everything, just because she said she did

that if you keep the tap running too long sewer insects will start crawling out

that Michael Jackson was born white

that Cinderella was real

that i was adopted (courtesy of mean older siblings)

that summer was endless

that picking flower petals determined the outcome of major incidents

that if i slept over at my grandma's i would never come back home

that by this year in my life i would have known exactly where i was and where i was going

bang bang bang

"We're never gonna, believe in, the stories, that you're weavin'
We're believin' in the proof, we're believin' in the truth
We're believin' in each other, not you, you, you"

domestication irritation

Culturally, i have been brought up to not make my bed, not wash my coffee cup, not do my own laundry, and not do any such tasks. This doesn't mean they don't get done, someone is hired to clean up after me, and all those like me. Domestic help, such a controversy.

I despise the idea of a stranger living in my home. But then again i am not going to clean up after myself. I don't stay that out of being a spoiled brat, but I'm admitting that i am not used to it, and i don't intend to start now.

Domestic help can be such a hassle though. There are so many issues involved, as i have recently learned, it is not at all as easy at it seems.

Trust is number one. You are forced to consult your gut feeling of whether or not this total stranger is 'safe' to have in your home. My imagination runs wild with stories of workers choking their employers in their sleep. I start to think about any valuables i have laying around. It becomes an annoying conspiracy theory where i am defending myself and my family from a culprit that does not exist, yet.

Looking at the other side though, i imagine how the new domestic employee might feel. A usually young, usually non-native speaker, alone in a home full of and owned by strangers. I would not switch places with her. She has no idea what is expected of her, how she should act, what the talk is about, or even where the glasses are.

It is difficult for both sides. Sometimes relationships blossom and last for years while others end within the hour. But at the beginning it is always stressful. We have been trained to feel lost and helpless without domestic help. Strangely, i have found it is a whole lot easier to work with people in the office than it is in the home.

coffee classes

This morning i headed to a Starbucks to grab my morning fix before heading to work. In front of me were a couple, skinny boy with a low voice, short girl in a veil and jeans too tight, who were taking forever to decide to order. I patiently waited and when they finally made their choice they were having one orange juice, in house. The nice lady employee at the cashier denied them. She insisted that one orange juice wasn't enough to grant them seats in the comfortable, spacious Starbucks branch. The girl fought with her for a while, she really wanted to sit down for a bit with her friend, eventually lost, and left with her friend and without her orange juice.

I, of course, could not shut up and had to stick my nose into it. I asked the cashier if that was true, if there was a minimum order charge for them to sit down. She said there wasn't. Then she got all worked up and told me the story that is the point of this post.

She said couples like that come in everyday, order one drink for 10-20 pounds and occupy seats for four to five hours on end. The problem with that particular branch of Starbucks is that it is open to the street. Customers can walk right in through two entrances and sit down using it as a hang out until they are asked to order or leave. What's worse than that is that they sometimes get (smelly) food like foul and taamiya from other oriental 'fast food' chains then sit down and consume them at Starbucks, stinking up the place. She told me that even when employees want to eat something from elsewhere on their break they place their food in Starbucks branded bags then go outside the premises to eat.

What struck me most was the class controversy. I have sometimes walked into the same Starbucks with a friend and we'd have just coffee and maybe a water and we were always welcome to sit wherever and for as long as we wanted to. Mind you, we'd only stay for half an hour tops. But i know that that particular couple didn't look like the social class that was welcomed at Starbucks and similar venues. It is on the one had, unfair, but on the otehr hand, they are not welcome because they do not respect the place.

These chains are open here for a reason: to make money. Whether a whole ton or just enough to stay open, their sole purpose is money. They import coffee, furnish the place in specific branding, pay a whole lot of rental of prime locations, train their staff, and keep with place in shape with high maintenance all to make money. They want customers in, coffees and food ordered, customers out, and repeat. They don't the sappy couple that will come in abuse their nice seats all for the price of an orange juice or the re-sale of a non-Starbucks branded bottle of water.

I had sympathy for the couple who were turned away and denied seats but then again i had sympathy for the employees forced to nicely turn people away because their attitude behavior harms the franchise.

And in my anti-communist, disbelieving-in-fairness-to-all mind, the franchise wins every time.

birthday glitter

I only dedicate posts to very special people. and this post is dedicated to this week's birthday girl. She's not only special because we go way back and we've been friends since math homework was our greatest fear, but she's special just because she is.

She is my only artist friend. She lets talent flow, she is never doing nothing. But that's still not why she's special

She's special coz she's an amazing motivator, a breath of fresh air, and upbeat rhythm that only sees the good in everything. She's and inspiration and the way she talks to motivate you makes you wanna get off your ass and do something fascinating with your life.

I've titled the post glitter because that's what my friend is, she's glitter. She's real glitter, she makes everything glow and be more exciting. We can take a lame joke and turn it into the joyfest of the month. She laughs and spreads laughter.

She makes you see the best in yourself. She explicitly notices the good in you that you didn't even know was in you.

Before i turned into the blogger that i am, it was her that pushed me to do it. She told me i have great ideas and a way with words and i need to be doing something with it. She got on the phone and told me to blog. We started our blogs together and have been each other's loyal audience. She is probably the only person to believe that i will someday be published. She is one of those who believes in energies, not because its the fad now, but she really believes in them. and her own energy is very positive.

On her birthday i was her so many things, but most of all, i wish her karma. She spreads good and joy and should only get the same in return.

dread

i would say that among the top ten, or twenty, worst feelings is dread. Especially when it is something you have to say or do and you know exactly what your words or actions will result in and what you'll have to do to fix it and how hard and exhausting it is all going to be. And it is really bad when you know there's no way around it and no one else to make carry the blame, no scapegoat but yourself.

It's those couple of hours before a meeting, a confession or a confrontation. It's the queasy feelings of the insides and the tension that builds up in the nerves. It's wanting a bad thing to happen just so it could pass and be history.

It's finding the exact words to sugarcoat then finding their opposites to give it straight. It's the mental struggle to use a carrot or a stick. It's the good cop/bad cop role played at the same time. It is the compassion you feel but the firmness you display.

It is all of that compressed into one short meeting, sit down, and then it passes. And the relief felt afterwords puts you on a high.

I would say, start every work day with a bad meeting, so when it's over, you get to have a great working day. Because everything else is good once the dread is gone and you can breathe.

time is no healer

i don't know where it came from, but the number of times i've read or heard that "time is a healer" made me believe it for so many years.

I was gullible enough to blindly believe that time always fixes things and things get better in time. that is true for some part. but time can do a lot of damage too.

when i was a kid my mom taught me to take care of problems right away. coz some problems only get bigger when not addressed. i should've listened, everyone should've listened.

as i grew older i made too many mistakes that i thought time would fix. Time didn't fix shit. as i try to sound reflective in writing this, i can honestly say that dozens of opportunities were missed and more relationships went sour and contacts lost touch with and misunderstandings not cleared up. All of that was my job to do, not time's.

even those i let off the hook, thinking that time will take my revenge for me, went unpunished.

time fixes some things, not everything. time isn't a healer. time is just time. as it passes things happen or they don't but it has nothing to do with time healing anything.

yes, anger fades with time, compassion gets boring or grows with time, friends become boring or thrive with time, relationships build or break, and so on. but it is not time's doing, that's all i'm trying to say here.

time passing by can mess up things pretty bad. an overdue apology is no good after time has passed. i'm just saying.

almost movie moment

so today i was in my army-like workout outfit at the gym, all with the gloves ipod arm strap, long ponytail, the whole show. Two minutes after i walked into the gym, i spot the one guy my entire high school female population crushed on for so many years. Said guy was looking as gorgeous as ever. i watched from a distance until i felt like a creepy stalker and had to stop staring.

aaaanyway, shortly thereafter our paths crossed. and that was [supposed to be] my movie moment.

i flung the ponytail ever so dramatically, getting ready to look up and smile and give a casual hello and act like my nerves weren't in shock and my heart wasn't skipping several beats. i could swear background, hollywood movie type music was a soundtrack playing in the background. everyone else seemed to disappear. i got dreamy like a teenage girl.

Right then, just as if on cue, some overdressed, over made-up, clumsy idiot banged her right dumbbell on my left shoulder. My moment was gone. I screamed in pain while she apologized at a million words per second rate. When the shock of the pain was gone, so was he. So much for my movie moment. Maybe next time, if i don't act like such a teenager, i'll learn to lookout for idiots playing with heavy dumbbells.

touching stoves twice

A girl is the only being capable of seeing a bad decision in clear vision and heading straight for it. We just don't learn. We're the creatures that have to touch the stove twice and thrice to learn that it's damn hot. We're a cartoon character that climbs to the top of the ladder to fall down, get back up and start scurrying toward the top again.

And most of the time, we know the exact outcome. We know why decisions are bad and we still choose to dive in. I've been trying to understand this complex concept and decision making routine but i've almost given up. Why do girls think in the way they do? We do we give the same models different tries?

Einstein (i think) once said that insanity is doing the same thing over and expecting different results. Im pretty sure this implies most people are insane. Lacking in sanity.

To exemplify, a couple of years back i did something that i cursed till very recently. I made a bad decision and i learned a lot from it, a whole lot. We all get scars and burns and they take their time to heal. Going back to the stove metaphor, when the stove burns you, you eventually heal. Then, in my case, you go right ahead and touch a different stove.

This time, i'm taking a moment to think about touching the stove. But i know that the moment will end and i will reach out with my stupid, newly healed hand and touch the damn stove. And within a few months i'll write about why i shouldn't have touched.

Life before Facebook

A few days ago i deactivated my Facebook account, which afterwards i figured was really stupid because you can activate it by just logging in again. Still, i thought i need the rest from the distraction, and in Eminem's brilliant words, "I promise to focus solely on my responsibilities."

You see, i didn't initially set up my own account. My best friend thought i was missing out so took the liberty of creating an account for me years back and i just sort of grew to using it, overusing it, then avoiding it completely then deactivating it.

Anyway, point of the story is, in the past few days i've been quickly reminded of life as it was before Facebook.

Life was more personal before Facebook. You could pick and choose exactly what others found out about you and what they didn't. If someone were to contact you they'd have to make and actual call or even send a message. You forget about people you haven't seen in years when they don't pop up on your news feed. You are in contact with only those you really do want to be in contact with. No distant relatives surprise you with random bits of information they found out about you through Facebook.

Life before Facebook was status-less. There wasn't a constant urge to tell almost everyone i know exactly what is on my mind.

Life before Facebook was less gossip-y. Now when i get a message asking if i saw so-and-so's comment on something i can shorten the conversation by answering, no i did not see it (nor do i intend to). Life back then gave you chance to miss people. When you hear about people and see their pictures and comments pop up you never really realize how much you truly miss them.

If i were to compare it, i'd say life before Facebook was getting a handwritten letter from someone you met at camp versus an email blog. Facebook came and it was like an addiction. It was something i had to to everyday or at least every time opened up my screen. Any addiction is negative, it's bad, it's something to be avoided. But in this case, Facebook is, more often than not, harmless. I hope i can hold off this controversial addiction for just a bit longer, just a little more time to enjoy life as personal and private.

Just like a pill

I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch,

I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me itch

I said I tried to call the nurse again but she's being a little bitch,

I think I'll get outta here, where I can

Run just as fast as I can

To the middle of nowhere

To the middle of my frustrated fears

And I swear you're just like a pill

Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me ill

You keep makin' me ill

I haven't moved from the spot where you left me

This must be a bad trip

All of the other pills, they were different

Maybe I should get some help

I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch,

I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me itch

I said I tried to call the nurse again but she's being a little bitch,

I think I'll get outta here, where I can

Run just as fast as I can

To the middle of nowhere

To the middle of my frustrated fears

And I swear you're just like a pill

Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me ill

You keep makin' me ill

-- Pink

political inactivity

I've never been politically active and I have my reasons why. and i won't bore you with them like all the political activists that rant on and on with the same three sentences.

First of all, i am not politically informed enough, or up to the level of information, to allow my to call myself "activist." And in my opinion, neither are two thirds of the so-called activists. I just don't buy that updating your Facebook status means that you are taking a stand and being "active." It's a poor excuse for trying to pull of something that you are not. I'm no angel here, I'm not saying I'm right and everyone else is wrong (even though i am) but seriously, when it comes to political activism, a status update doesn't cut it. If that makes you feel better, to call yourself an activist or to think you have any kind of influence by updating your status, then that's just pathetic. Bombarding people with forward messages and requests to be "active" only belittles the thought behind the act.

Also, most political activism is subjective. And no one takes subjectivity seriously. Plain and simple as that. As soon as emotions and misinformation driven by emotions are involved, that's the end of anything real. Look at this this way, you can always listen someone better if they're decently articulating, but if they're yelling and screaming you can only hear and don't necessarily listen. When subjectivity and emotion are brought to the table, it inevitably turns into yelling with no articulation of neither thought nor speech.

ink

For quite a few years now, i've been seriously considering getting a tattoo. Actually i've been considering getting three. But it's scary

For one thing, tattoos are permanent. That's a kind of commitment i don't think im ready to make. that's worse than marriage. i know you can get tattoos removed now, but what if i get it then decide i don't like it a week later. Is is worth the hassle and pain of getting one (or three) only to have it later removed?

Then there's the big question of taboo. Are tattoos okay or are they taboo? How religiously unacceptable are they? We do lots of things every single day that are religiously unacceptable. Is a tattoo (or three) worse than any of those?

But the guilt trip lasts only a few minutes and then i go right back worrying over the permanency of tattoos. It can be such a scary thought to think that ink you put on your skin is there to stay. It just stays there. It never goes away it's there every single day (back to the commitment metaphor). You can't wash it off and in many places you can't cover it up either.

These thoughts consume me so much that on a random night like this i find myself researching (googling) tattoo removal methods and comparing between them. Yes, i am finding out how to remove the tattoos i don't even have yet.

beaching

i miss the beach, i miss being at the beach

i miss that first time you go to the beach, it's like the inauguration of summer. your skin is still winter-y pale and the sand under your bare feet feels so welcoming you want to get buried in it

i love watching kids play in the sand. it still makes me, at this age, want to dig up a big hole till i reach the water and make little sand hills.

i miss the first sunburn and the disregard for sunscreen.

i miss the first tread into the water, which is always freezing but gets warmer each day. i miss almost falling asleep in the sun after a day of getting in and out of the water. i even miss getting sand in my hair.

i miss hitting against the waves and getting teary eyed with salt water.

i miss having to hunt for a good spot on a crowded beach during the weekend. i miss how empty the beach is after all the weekenders are gone.

i miss staying at the beach until it's almost dark and there's no one else around. i miss the glow of skin after an after-beach, after-tan shower.

i miss the smell of the beach, cliche, but i do miss it

i miss losing flip flops in the sand and dropping my phone in the sand and covering up my ipod so it doesn't burn in the heat. i miss chilled water bottles stuck in the sand. i miss freska.

i miss waking up, going straight to the beach and doing nothing all day but swim and tan and maybe even play with the sand and a ball or something.

i really miss the beach and i can't wait to get that first splash, first sunburn and first saltwater sting.

all she is

My best friend has been called useless, worthless, spoiled, and so many derivatives of those.

Taking a first look at her, you might, just might, get that impression. But the minute you get inside that beautiful head of hers, your opinion drastically changes.

My best friend is dependable. She is always wide awake and fully aware of happenings. She knows exactly what she wants and how to get it. She is determined. She does not only want freedom from any constraints, she actively seeks such freedom. She does her own homework. She doesn't share her miseries with the world, instead, she shares her happiness. Being around her is just like being at a thoroughly entertaining, enlightening and hilarious show. She is the life of any party and puts life into any party. Hell, she turns a car ride into a party. She is a loving mother, a wonderful wife, and an angelic daughter. Her home feels like home. She loves deeply and truly, and straight from her pure heart with no fakeness or the least bit of acting. She juggles a million things at a time. She is never too busy or too free. She is never sitting around doing nothing. And everything she does serves some kind of purpose, even if she is only shopping. Her comedy is genius.

To our little, tight band, she plays so many roles. She is the advisor, the caregiver, the one we trust and believe blindly. When something happens to me or to any of us she is the first we want to call, the first advice we seek. If only everyone else did the same, so much would be better.

Calling her worthless is a crime. An ignorant one too

It shows that those who call her worthless are so deep in the ignorance and one-dimensional, single track of thought that they are unable to embrace all what she really is and all what she is capable of.

optional retardation

I refuse to treat completely normal, sane, healthy human beings like they are retarded.

I meet those people everyday, those who are optionally retarded. There is nothing wrong with their mental capabilities, nerve structure, brain composition composition or even their social setting to excuse them as retarded, or mentally incapable. in fact, they are very mentally capable, to be able to act so retarded.

What's more, they know that people treat them in a special way. They think they are free to do what they please because we will all say, "ma3lesh" or "don't hold it against them." But this time i refuse the excuse. I will hold it against them.

They act irresponsibly thinking that others can't see their actions. They are insensitive thinking that they don;t need to be sensitive. They are fake, above all they are fake. They act compassionate, they act intellectual, they act like they care but their are not any of these. They're full of talk, deeply believing that their practiced words actually mean anything.

They are like healthy people who park their cars in handicapped spaces (not in this country of course, but in others). They're like rich people who don't leave a good tip. They're like people who can see a queue and opt to cut into yet. In other words, they're people who act in a certain way just because they know society will excuse their behavior.

Half of the blame is not on them, though. Half of the blame is on the society that tolerates them. Sometimes i think people let them off the hook because that is easier than dealing with them. I think they're just feeding a flame of fakeness. It turns into a vicious cycle, where they act retarded and are not held accountable so they act more retarded and are still let off the hook.

Everyday i urge others not to tolerate them, but they still do despite my nagging. I only come off as hostile and un-understanding. And i become the wrong one in the end. I am labeled "wrong" because i refuse to treat the healthy as unhealthy.